Insomnia

For at least 2 weeks I haven't been able to sleep. I have never had this problem before, as I can usually fall asleep on command, and stay that way until at least 3 crows of my rooster alarm clock. I think all the stress of the stones and the last IVF cycle may have me a little out of sorts. I will try to stop napping when I get home, although I don't do that terribly often. I fear to even think this horrible thought, but, maybe, I need to lay off the coffee for a while. I went from about 4 cups a day before the cycle to 1 half calf. Now I am creeping back up to about 3. Could this have anything to do with my precious sleeping pattern? I am forced to consider this.

So I finally went through with the stone extraction and "shockwave" to the big kidney stone. I am on my way to recovery. The operation was on Wednesday, two days ago, and I have been taking it easy since. I was surprised at how soar my throat would be, of all things, as they had a breathing tube stuck down my throat throughout. Fortunately, I was already out by the time they inserted it, so I didn't feel or remember a thing until I came out into the recovery room and wondered if they had taken my tonsils out while they were at it. This is what they did: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extracorporeal_shock_wave_lithotripsy.
It was pretty scary, but I am glad I went through with it, as for the last couple of days I have been spewing out little bits of gravel that once were the offending stone and I know it won't be bothering me anymore. Once this ordeal is behind me I can continue with our next IVF cycle. We are hoping to start up my meds this month so that we can stimulate and extract sometime in late March. I guess even if it works out, it will be too late for an '09 baby, but better late than never, and it is still a big "if."
To be honest, I am not looking forward to another cycle, especially after the heartbreak, expense, and complications during the last one. I just really, really want a baby in my arms. If I have to go through with this in order to get closer, then I will, but I just wonder if I am not just delaying the inevitable adoption question. I hate to be so negative, but I guess it is easier than getting too optimistic and then let down. On the positive side, I know that eventually, I will have my baby, and then I will look back and wonder what all of the fuss was about.

New Toy

The good news is that I just got a new HP desktop computer with all the bells and whistles. My living room is a disaster of boxes, styrofoam, and twisty ties, but I finally got it all set up and most of the programs installed. I decided to bite the bullet and go with a desktop after probably 10 years of exclusive laptopping. I can't believe how affordable computers have gotten. I still remember my first Mac, I think it was before the first Powerbook, and it cost something like $2500 and was basically a fancy word processor.
I don't know too many people that have gone from Mac to PC, as it's usually the other way around. I was burnt too early on by Apple, and the scars go deep. I am not ready to go back. Besides, I am already in love with my HP. I wanted a desktop with a good graphics card to support some of the CADD I am learning and most of those programs run better on PCs. (Sorry Steve Jobs, your marketing has no effect on me.) I hope to be able to publish some drawings of the kitchen I am working on, once I get them drawn, of course. In the meantime, I will post some pictures, soon, I promise.

Get OUT!

That's what I say to these awfull kidney stones that seems to be taking over my life. After much stalling and hoping that the stones will pass on their own, the docs and I have concluded that there is no better hope than to go in and get them out. I will be undergoing a 2 part procedure, which involves a "shockwave" to the kidneys in an attempt to break up the big ones in the kidneys, and an actual extraction of the stone in the urethra, closer to the way out. They will probably leave a stint inside the urethra so that the fragments of the bigger stones will have an easier way to go out. It sounds like a horrible and painful procedure, thus the stalling, but they are hurting and irritating me so much that I can't imagine just waiting any longer and I doubt they will be able to pass on their own. I am hoping the doc will be able to let me at least get a picture of the stone that they remove so I can post it.
In other bummer news, our last IVF cycle did not go so well. We got 4 fertilized embryos, but none of them made it to the 5-day blastocyst stage, at which they would have been implanted. Dr. B says that they probably were chromosomally abnormal and that we will take a more aggressive approach to the next cycle. That means more drugs, which mean more $$$.
Unfortunately, I am not sure when we will go through the next cycle. We were hoping to take February off and start up again in March, but as the stone issue has not been resolved, we have decided to wait until it is. I cannot imagine actually pulling a pregnancy off only to risk it by having an operation 3 months into it or so. I also cannot imagine going through 9 months of pregnancy with the stones in place and not being able to take any "good" painkillers. God willing, this procedure will go well and we can start to focus back on the family building efforts.